Dear Hikosan
by thedissident
Summary: The hiten mitsurugi master runs an advice column for young adults. No guarantees on effectiveness though...Feel free to nag Hiko-sama with your questions too.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: If I owned RK, I'd be sipping a cosmopolitan on my private island. Author's note: that email address is real …as are the questions! I had asked some friends to submit some "problems" to me. If you wish you submit a question for Mr. Hiko, feel free. I will actually answer them all in the manner that I feel he would answer them if he were truly alive. Feel free to flame this piece, if you feel you can withstand my retorts. Don't scratch if you don't wish to be mauled… Stuck in Historic Japan issue #2  
  
D**raft submitted to editor in chief Aoshi Shinamori.  
Editor: Goro Fujita  
August, 2004  
  
** Hello, readers of Stuck in Historic Japan Magazine. Another month, another issue is in order. Hiko-snot…er…..Hiko-san has answered a few more of your wonderful life dilemmas, so thanks and keep sending them in to Maybe if you're lucky, you'll get a life and then drunken monkeys will stampede you into a bloody pulp so that I will no longer be pestered by your petty life problems. But then again, if life was really that fair, I'd have been retired and at peace with this sorry world.

_Dear Hiko-san, Ever since I was young, my parents have guilt-tripped me into playing the piano. Not that I have anything against piano music, but I'm plain lousy. I hate to disappoint my parents and I don't wish to hurt their feelings. How can I explain to them that I'm miserable being suckered into lessons without starting a family feud? -Pressured Daughter of Strict Asian parents_

Dear pressured doormat…uhh pressured daughter something or another of something, This is a toughie. Everyone wants to please the people they love, but people weren't put on this stupid planet to make themselves miserable. Then again, they also weren't put here to multiply like roaches and destroy every natural resource they come across…but wooooh-boy, let's not start on that today. The fact of the matter is, life is about balance. And for every person, balance is relative. That makes no sense, you say? Think about it. Since no two persons are the same, things could be in harmony for one guy, and completely chaotic for another. It's your job to find out where you need to draw the line, and to try your damned best to stick to it. Compromise wisely.  
Ask your parents a few questions about why they are obsessed with the piano. After you've made sure that they don't have sticks up their rear ends, find out if you can possibly work out an agreement. Perhaps they really appreciate the musical arts and have no talent for it themselves, and thus are compelled to have someone in their family become a musical prodigy. Regardless of the reason, find a happy medium between being trodden like a doormat and completely shutting their voices out. Peace!

_Dear Mr. Hiko, I'm in my sophomore year of university, and I am torn between majors. The two choices I'm considering are anthropology and English. The great thing about anthropology is that I can learn about all different cultures and languages, while satisfying my curious nature about the history of our species. But if I choose English, I could sate my love of literature. What to do? -Which Fork to Take?_

Dear Which Fork, It sounds like you can either make a career serving fries or wasting a lot of paper. Good luck. Ok, seriously… I have no idea what in carnation anthropology is, but it sounds sketchy if you ask me. I asked a dear friend of mine who likes to think of himself as terribly cultured about the field of anthropology, and he informed me that it has several sub-fields. So it sounds like you can always switch to another if you find out you made a crap decision. Bingo! As for English, all I can say is to please make sure you can write a good story without turning it into smut. I mean, sex sells and all…but so does Power Ranger Toilet Paper. Yeah.

----- AN: Suggestions please. In case anyone is curious, yes I have a friend (poor thing…) who has been forced to play the piano her whole life and let's just say a horde of rioting elephants makes better music than her. And I'm not being horribly mean…she admits it fully. She knows I love her. And as for the Which Fork…It was me about 2 years ago, and I really was stuck between anthro and English. I'll let you guess which one I chose in the end….! Till next time. 


	2. Dear Hiko pt 2

Disclaimer: I don't own RK  
  
Author's note: that email address is real …as are the questions! I had asked some friends to submit some "problems" to me. If you wish you submit a question for Mr. Hiko, feel free. I will actually answer them all in the manner that I feel he would answer them if he were truly alive. Feel free to flame this piece, if you feel you can withstand my retorts. Don't scratch if you don't wish to be mauled… Stuck in Historic Japan issue #3  
  
D**raft submitted to editor in chief Aoshi Shinamori.  
Editor: Goro Fujita  
August, 2004  
  
** Hello, last edition of the summer. Hiko's got some more questions to answer, and there will be a guest columnmist in our September issue. If he chooses that weasel-girl, I swear I'll play human jumprope with her braid. 

_Dear Hiko-san,  
I'm a naturally suspicious person. I find that it's very lonely to never fully be able to trust anyone, not even my long-term boyfriend. Every few days I get paranoid and suspect him of doing something behind my back. Sometimes I feel like my own family could be plotting against me or something. I can't think of anything that's ever happened to me that would explain why I'm so distrustful.  
-Paranoid Android_

Dear Paranoid, Nobody ever realizes how badly they've been traumatized by an event. Now, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and guess that you were very young when said traumatic event took place. In that case, here are the closest pieces of advice i could give you:   
a) Doctor. Prozac. Now.  
b) YOur boyfriend is either hiding something from you, or purposely playing with your mind by pretending to be hiding something from you. I hardly think I need to point out which one is more likely.  
c) YOu don't trust yourself. Sounds absurd, doesn't it? Maybe. But it is human nature to be hypocritical and subconciously project our own desires or actions into accusatory thoughts. Think about it.   
Either way, a talk with your boyfriend is in order. As for the part about not trusting your family...unless they all wear white trenchcoats and and spew Zen drivel for hours on end, you should have a long talk with them also. Maybe your pharmacy will give a package discount for that Prozac...

_Dear Hiko sir,  
I heard you know Himura-san personally and I was wondering if-_

Ergh, next.

_Dear Hiko-san,  
What do you think about the war in Iraq?  
-Dove-eater_

Dear Dove-eater  
War in Iraq? Kami-sama, I need to browse the news sites more often. Have the U.S taken any slaves to work in their sweatshops yet? You know, I never understood the concept of sweatshops. To think that a human being can be so deficient in self-esteem that they would agree to work for pennies per hour, really boggles my mind. It's a sad state of affairs when the whole world knows what goes on behind the scenes and they accept i they can keep low prices. As if an assembly line could possibly produce something as beautiful as I would be able to single-handedly. Sigh...oh...uhm, the war eh? Well, I don't fight in wars. Wait, what country were we talking about again?

Editor Fujita's note: Our guest columnist in September will feature person who does not drink more than five jugs of sake every day.

--- AN: The opinion expressed in the "War" question is purely my own creation, and not that of Hiko-sama nor his creator :) Till next time! 


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